The initial diagnosis of any illness creates a sense of fear. The reality of dealing with something that shouldn’t be there, a condition that is not part of a healthy, normal life; and the prospects that for a long period of time one will have consequences and collateral impact that most would feel just doesn’t seem fair. The diagnosis of Bipolar, while similar in some respects has some very unique characteristics that accompany its onset.
Most illnesses or conditions are visible; X-rays expose tumors, masses, degeneration and much more. Many illnesses are evident through blood tests or biopsy. When most illnesses are present, one can visibly see the proof and evidence in a tangible form that forces the reality of the diagnosis on one’s life and the lives of those around them. Bipolar and most mental illnesses are unique in that regard. When diagnosed there are no X-rays, no elevated blood counts and no MRI results to expose the foreign elements of a disease. The diagnosis of Bipolar rolls off of the pen of a doctor based on one thing only which is the observed behavior of the patient. Because of this lack of concrete evidence, it is easy to understand why many patients diagnosed with Bipolar, as well as their families are defensive against the diagnosis and start out their journey in disbelief.
Our story is no different. When Justin was initially diagnosed with Bipolar roughly eight years ago, there was an initial overwhelming anxiety and oppression that resulted from the words of his doctor when Justin was first diagnosed. We knew something was wrong because Justin’s behavior had become visibly different from how he normally reacted. Our quiet, thoughtful and somewhat passive child had entered adulthood and was losing his shyness. Passivity was replaced with loud, angry outbursts. A once calm spirit was seemingly being replaced by a new, harsh vocabulary and a tendency to pound his fists into cement rather than quietly walking away from a tense situation.
The climax of the initial realization of Bipolar was after Justin was actually missing for a couple of days. After several months of behavior which we could not understand or explain, Justin never showed up for work where he had taken a job in Atlanta, Georgia. After 2 days of panic and fearing the worst in such a situation, Justin was found in downtown Nashville, Tennessee where he was walking the streets, panhandling for food and had taken all of his personal belongings, including his cell phone and wallet, and had thrown them into the river as he searched for his car. He had parked downtown 2 days earlier and could not remember where the car was. Rather than ask the police for help, he searched, and searched …..and searched.
After bringing him home to Michigan and trying to reason with the unreasonable, we ended up in the emergency room after hours and hours of negotiations with him. We knew something was bad wrong. We knew he needed help. We were scared, he was angry and the culmination of it all was a scene in the emergency room where a worker pulled Justin’s mother and me into a room and said “your son has Bipolar”.
Almost 8 years later now, Justin has had 10 extended stays in various psychiatric hospitals and our lives have changed in many, many ways. We have travelled through every range of emotion that can be travelled as we have accepted the resolve of our son’s illness. Justin, on the other hand, still struggles with the original diagnosis. He struggles with the idea that he needs medicine to regulate this condition and he also feels that we, as his parents have contributed to his problems by originally forcing him into a hospital where he was eternally branded as “mentally ill”.
So we all, as a family are coping with the day to day struggles of Bipolar’s impact on its victims and their families. In our posts here we will strive for honesty and candor yet at times we will also be careful to protect the privacy of Justin and others close to his situation. Victims of mental illness are plagued by stereotype and negative labels. Our goal here is not to contribute to that stigma, but quite the opposite, we want to help Justin and others find peace, resolve and a future of happiness and productivity despite the condition they might have.